Ships in the Desert...Burning Man Wedding

We are star dust     Billion year old carbon

---Joni Mitchell

The winds pick up to Force 6 and  swirling clouds are coming at us, port side.    The ripples in the sand are like the telltales in the water, broadcasting direction and intent.   We are bracing for the wind with our goggles and masks. Pinging sounds on the  ceiling signal rain but we are in the desert, and the sand is rain, and the air is thick with dust.  We are becoming  golden white  with the dust of dried prehistoric trout.

Joan and I are in Black Rock City,  Nevada for the annual Burning Man Festival.      Miju and her wonderful friends have been venturing out to Burning Man for the last five years as a part of Camp Star Bar F.   They are ecologically minded, self sustaining, smart, funny, and brilliant young people who remind us that we are all star dust, billion year old carbon…   Miju and Gideon were engaged here last year and they have decided to get married here too.   They had intended to have multiple weddings with the Burning Man wedding for friends and like minded people.   However, when Gideon's grandmother decided to come, it set the tone, and we all came to the playa.

Burning Man is Biblical.    There is dust.  There is wilderness.   There is the Golden Rule practiced well.   They have promoted the 10 principals (Radical inclusion, Gifting, Decommodification, Radial Self Reliance, Radial Self Expression, Communal Effort, Civic Responsibility,  Leaving No Trace, Participation, and Immediacy).   The harsh environment forces "radical inclusion."  People help people.  

There is Gifting.  There is no expectation of return of the gift, just the savoring of the act itself.  

Everything and everyone accepts you as you are.  Born naked into the world, some people revert to that state but only as a form of self expression.   Innocence.  Acceptance.  Beauty.  All in the cauldron of the unrelenting desert.  A city of 70,000  people convene, live and love and dance and leave no trace.   

We looked at the videos beforehand on YouTube.   The public at  large are fascinated by the bugs, nudity, and people in odd dresses.  We tend to compartmentalize  thing we don’t understand.  I think what really frightens people are the 10 principals and so the media looks at Burning Man as a lawless sex, and drugs, and alcohol driven event.  They could not be farther from the truth. 

We landed in Reno  at Midnight and checked into the GSR, a bastion of twenty first century commerce.  Sad people sat around brightly colored slot machines hoping for a payoff.    What they will do with the money I do not know, but they  seemed to be the living dead.  A fantasy land of fast wealth and the promise that money can bring happiness is  a caricature  of the American Dream.   This is the antithesis of Burning Man.

Since we are not "Burners", we loaded our rental with too much junk at Costco and Walmart.  The Walmart in Reno had done a million dollars of business the day before.  They had hired temporary stockers for the event.  It was Christmas in September.  Little did we understand that food is not Burning Man.  You only need water and some nuts and probably some beer.   Vinegar, lemon juice and skin moisturizer are more important.   The playa dust is alkaline and is a desiccant. 

The  best stocked place was Sportsman's Lodge where we were able to get a large cooler and camping equipment.    We did not come in an RV but resurrected our 15 year old tent, Trango 2, that has held up well.  We probably would have been more comfortable in a RV but it was not in our budget.  I am not sure people go to Burning Man to be comfortable.

The playa is not kind to machinery and to people and the hardship is part of the cleaning experience.   Art is agony.  Creation and birth are painful.  To those who come  in RVs and fly into Black Rock City Airport, it is more of a civilized exercise.    We were envious at times but perhaps they were also jealous of our hard worn BM aroma.    Memory, afterwards,  is kind to those who suffer.

The drive out to Black Rock City was uneventful.  Large well equipped RVs passed us  on the Indian reservation roads.     We were asked to respect the speed limit and followed a yellow Burner car that had many stickers.  We saw  Pyramid Lake in the distance.  A mirage like natural lake, Pyramid Lake looks unspoiled and undeveloped as it is mostly on Paiute Tribal land.  As a geographic sink of the Truckee River Basin, it depends on the outflow of water from Lake Tahoe.   A drought has been the dominant weather pattern here and the shores of Pyramid Lake have receded.

We stopped  in Gerlach for some last minute items, and there were spotty vendors selling "Burning Man outfits."   They looked out of place.   There is very little advertisement and  decommodification is one of the 10 principles.   A week free of advertisement except for "free hugs" is good for the soul.  We did not miss television or cable or the constant friction of one sports team vying against another.  Opiate for the masses perhaps. 

Burning Man is well organized.   You do feel you are entering a kind of Disney World with multiple lanes and traffic control.  Each car is greeted with care.   We received a paperback book full of information and a schedule of events.   Each camp gifts crafts and learning opportunities.  We can learn ribbon art, make parasols, participate in Gong Vibe Yoga, eat pancakes, eat naked bacon,  make music.  The actives  are too numerous to fit into a pamphlet, so there is a book!

We arrived  near dusk.   Miju and our boys, who had come a  few days earlier,  greeted us and led us to find our campsite.    Joan and I are  near the boundary at location 4:30 and  L (Laffing Sal).    The city is organized as the spokes of a large clock from 10  to 2 O clock.   Our campsite  neighbor was Ken, a commodities trader from Reno, who provided delightful company and help.

The sun set quickly.   The horizon here is broken by the Black hills.   They look rocky.   Our GPS says we are in  Lovelock, Black Rock City.   The night sky is clear but there is omnipresent wind.  We did not have much wind protection  but the Trango tent held  with the rain fly lashed down like Gulliver at Lilliput.

We percolated coffee on the Coleman stove.  We could be sitting on the back deck of Enchantress, but we are over 2200 miles away.   Music  wafes by  from the central playa.  Mutant vehicles drive by with partygoers on board.     Dust storms come and go.  We are part of the landscape.  The wind  caresses the campsite.  It is beautiful.

Tuesday brings fair weather, and we visit the line of PortaPotties.  Music, Art, Food, Shelter and PortaPotties.   Bathrooms are priorities for Burners.   The civility is culture.   There is no passing in line and everyone seems to respect people's autonomy.  Several of the PortaPotties are decorated with flowers and lights and extra nice hand fresheners.   Someone has gifted their time and bathroom décor to make it more comfortable.

Nudity is self expression and naturalness.   We did not see  Burning Man as a festival of sex and nudity.   The desert is not kind naked people.  You just don't see  Lawrence of Arabia in the buff.   Our western society commercializes sex and makes nudity shameful rather than natural.  At the same time, it sells sex as a commodity rather than as a relationship and as part of intimacy. Perhaps natural nudity is the Decommodification of the body as one of the 10 principles of Burning Man.   I am reminded of Puritanism as the  concept that someone, somewhere, is having fun.

The art is breathtaking.   In the night, the playa is filled with mutant vehicles and art comes alive.   There is mind bending music as large music cars filled with amplified sound transforms the playa into a concert hall.   People sparkle.  People are lighting bugs, fireflies parading around the playa in search of Immediacy. 

Our families are at the playa for the wedding.  Mark and Abbie are back home awaiting the birth of their first child.  Ben and Megan are adapting well and seem perfectly at ease.   They are happy.   Exuberant Reuben is dancing and having fun.   He is a Burner.   Noah is young and old and seems to be soaking in the experience.  He is a sponge. 

Gideon's family is warm and amazing.  His uncle Justin has become an Internet marriage authority to officiate the wedding,   He is like someone you think met before but haven't.  He is irreverently traditional.  His humor is inclusive as he is laughing with you.   Gideon's parents are brave and it is their willingness to come to the desert that brought the families together.     His brother and sister are also impressive people, our best young  bright hopes.

Miju is beautiful.   She is a fragile little girl who is still growing up and now getting married.  Outwardly calm and poised, she must be worried about us bumbling around Black Rock City.   She has gifted us her friends and life from San Francisco.  Courage is needed to expose your parents to your friends and your friends to your parents, especially at Black Rock City.

Sometimes, as our children grow up, they must look at their parents with a shocking eye.   They can see our foibles and limitations too clearly.   In their newly invented adult lives, they might be stunted as to think about where they came from.  Perhaps we are too conservative, too rich, too poor, or too Catholic or Jewish.  We  were probably too busy missing their childhood or too involved, helicoptering.     For no matter how  far  we go into our professional lives, we come from our parents.   A basic  component of our genetics and culture still stays with us.   It might be a reactionary component for we might be opposite of our parents, but the kernels are still inside.   Brewing.

Miju and Gideon are a stunning couple.  They stand under the  Chuppah with the desert dust swirling.     The wedding was supposed to be at the Burning Man Temple but the dust storms and the high wind simply make the logistics too difficult.   So Ilyse and Justin just go with the flow and the wedding occurs at Star Bar F camp. Their neighbors, Sexy Pirate Ship Camp,  were going to have a loud  party but they turn down the music and attend the wedding.   There at the intersection of 4:30 and E (Erastrz) is Star Bar F camp.   As the wedding occurs, life happens.   There are people walking and riding and if they choose, they stop and attend.   There are no walls.  Motion of people and dust and traffic make the boundaries.

We did not know what to expect.  There is no walking down the aisle.  There is no aisle.  Gideon's Godfather plays the electric piano.   There is a two person string ensemble.   An Australian Aboriginal blow worm pipe leads Gideon and Miju to the gathering.  They simply walk in from the street.   A blend of people in the  background, and they magically appear.   I am reminded of the chiascura.

A series of attestations from loved ones follow.   Joy recites a beautiful play poem.  Best friends, brothers, fathers talk about Miju and Gideon.   Gideon speaks his heartfelt thoughts and feelings about Miju.   He seems to be transformed and he is beautiful in his honesty and earnestness and love.  Miju promises to Joan that she will one day, in the future, have kids.   They share a bubble together that is unique and private.  A ritual is transformative and this wedding changes us as well as the couple.  

They make their vows privately, to each other,  as we stand around them with flaming sparklers.   The sun is setting.   There is a ring of people.  We are friends and families of Miju and Gideon protecting them while also holding burning sparklers that can harm.  There is a crowd of people at the intersection of this time event. 

After the ceremony, the worst formal reception follows.  Burners are not formal.    We forget the mints and watermelon.   The mints are in the cooler and  we could not cut the watermelon as it was too dusty.   The grapes are served in Ziplock bags.   The ice cream is made by liquid nitrogen.  The cupcakes are from the Burning Man bakery.   The icing was lovingly applied by  Megan and Miju's brothers.  Despite the lack of enteral food, there is much food for thought.    Cassidy starts the rounds of toasts from a special sister's perspective.   Tom and Jeff give heartfelt wondrous toasts.  We almost forget Joan who has been working on her toast for weeks.  She sends off Miju and Gideon with maternal love that is eternal.    We toast with rising hearts as the wedding is not about the decorations or the food. The party is not about what other people think of the entertainment.   We are the party and the entertainment.  We are the food that succors.

Everyone gets their nighttime gear on, and the the real party starts,     The "Wedding Party" bikes to the Mayan Warrior.  En mass like a giant multi linked organism across the sparking playa, we bike as a part of the community.  I thought this is what those Harley Guys feel when they become weekend road gangs.     The party goes until Sunrise.  Joan and I peel off at 1 am as it is really 4 am Eastern Time.  We dance with  Miju and her friends.   There is joy and happiness and a sensation that time is at a standstill.   Playa feet gets the best of us, and we the parental units retreat back to the boundary tent.

Gideon gives us the landmarks to ride home.  He is a remarkable young man.   We look at him in new light and love.   We feel a part of a him and feel connected.   Joan and I take off for the Eye of Zorron and Thurderdome which marks the entrance to 4:30, our Playa address.

Darkwads are a constant threat.  Joan has two crashes into darkwads.  Luckily she is tipsy and pliable and she suffers no permanent injury.   Her bruises this week might put me into trouble with Adult protective services, but they are playa burner purple spots.  Her nails change color with her body temperature and she has been a hot momma for most of the Burn.

A blur of two Stetson hats passes me and two darkwads, riding a single bike crash into Joan.   The crowd helps Joan up.  I am very angry at the Stetsons, but the people surrounding us make sure Joan is ok, and makes us all do a group hug and pacify the incident.   This is a lesson from Burning Man for everyday life.  We all make mistakes and we can be darkwads.   There is civic responsibility to make things better.  We should all help each other.   The fate of our neighbor and stranger should matter.  When a Mariner is in peril, the closest to him come to  aid.    Burning man makes this dictum a practice.

Morning follows, and we head for home.   Joan and I are more water people.   The desert is an ocean.   We say goodbye to Ken our campmate and head back to Reno and civilization.  We are sad to leave Miju and  Gideon and the boys behind.

We are all negotiating life.   We should have more immediacy.   We should leave no trace except our memories.  We should try to make the world and not just people better.  We are all too constrained by our "lives of quiet desperation"   We should not have to go to Burning Man to realize that civic self expression is important.   We are reminded by Burning Man that we should all participate in our society and that art and music and love are important.   We should not judge people by their cover.   We simply should not judge but include.

Hotel Tonight takes us back to civilization and we are decompressing today at the Peppermill, a Reno resort.   We let the waters take some of the playa dust off.   My skin is raw and dry.   It is sanded.  My soul is clear and there is work to do.  We get breakfast in bed.    Joan is looking for running water.  It costs moreto  clean the car than to rent it.  The Peppermill scrubs us clean but the Playa dust is in our pores and in  our souls.

Saturday, the Man burns.   People are still coming into Black Rock City to see the final ceremony.   The week of Burning Man is more than the burning of the statue.   I am very impressed by the various camps and the gifiting of knowledge, service and food.   Humans cooperating and gifting their talents is a prescription for a Utopia.  We should have more Burner concepts in our society.

The winds are suppose to pick up to near gale, Force 8 on the playa on Saturday.       We will be back home tonight.   I am sitting on the starboard part of this jet that is riding the ocean of the Jet stream.  We are carrying back the playa dust along with the memories.   The camping was difficult.  The art was beautiful.  The wedding was transformative.  

We are all  Star Bar F, billion year old carbon.  We will return to dust and dust.  Our bodies are mostly water.  We  will recycle back to the atmosphere and then to the  oceans.  Live life.   Express your love.   Include people.  Make beautiful things.   Do not be afraid to change the world and those around you for the better.    Make your life a gift to those people around you.   These are thoughts and sentiments that we bring back from Burning Man and the brilliant couple.    Thank you Miju and Gideon.  Thank you Camp Star Bar F. 

I am going to camp out on the land    I am gonna to try and get my soul free…

---Woodstock, J. Mitchell